Thursday, July 5, 2012

4th Street Feeling :)

I am not a promoter of anything other than my own work(really? okay maybe...) But, Melissa Etheridge is releasing a new cd (Her 12th) and it is going to be titled 4th Street Feeling.

I don't know if anyone still reads this blog or whatever, but, I do know that this woman is amazingly talented.

I wish I could be as talented as her. (one day? maybe...)

General life update:
I am moving house! :D This also means that my last two years of High School will be spent attending a completely different school then the one I am in now.

I was selected for the school cd! I ended up dropping out though, it was between me and a good friend who had a band and his song was much better so I told the teacher to let him take it.

I have scored two roles in my school's musical(The Great Australian Rock Musical) I am schoolies girl #1 and also a hairdressing apprentice. :D

So that's it pretty much, I wish there was more to say but... yeah...

So, I want to ask a question: What's your favorite song that actually tells a story. Mine is a tie between I'm The Only One (Melissa Etheridge) and Universe and U (KT Tunstall)

Sorry about the scarce posts, I will try and post more :) I promise.

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Well, Now I am exactly what the subject my English teacher dances around... *DUMB*.
I am stupid and not only did I try and convince her of that fact, I tried to inform her I was in the wrong English group(English+ [for ADVANCED* students]) I tried to tell her that it was pointless for me to be in this class. Then, she tries to tell me I am not. Yet, she never tells me I am doing a good job, never has she said that I write well or even that I write sub-par (She just tells me lies about my "style" of writing), She constantly emails my parents to tell me how shit of a job I'm doing...

I just don't know why I haven't been moved down a class yet. She obviously doesn't care about how I am really doing...

OH... AND WHO COULD FORGET... When I requested an extension on my assignment because MY GREAT GRAND-DAD DIED SHE SAID NO. I really was quite close to my great grand-dad, he was beyond smart and knew so much, he used to live in the bungalow his son-in-law built and it really stuffed me up when he passed. I wasn't allowed to stay home and requested extensions on my assignments in all subjects which were due within the next few weeks. I desperately required some time to get over what had happened. She just ignored it all completely.

English used to be my best and favorite subject. It has now dropped to my worst. I hate it. I feel as if I need to throw-up every time I enter her class.

Anxiety + Bad teaching skills + Pushy parents + stupidity + Me = FUCK.

Here's a little more...
*cue facepalm*
We were told to start submitting work electronically. I have submitted work through email and nearly every piece of work I have submitted electronically has been marked late. The reason: SHE DOESN'T CHECK HER EMAILS. I TELL HER THAT IT IS THE WAY I HAVE SUBMITTED THE WORK. SHE STILL DOESN'T CHECK HER EMAILS!!!

fldsocjewiojrhfjdcjlewjrflnewclnlasknxlnznaksbxasjgacebiweybscoenweihroewin oimwe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH! okay, Rant over... For now.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I'm a little bit scared...

I normally throw caution to the wind and be myself no matter what...
But, lately I can't help but feel that my life could be put in danger at anytime.
I was watching a video of Melissa Etheridge's song Scarecrow. It is powerful of course, but it made me think of the things I ignored when I started to come out. Of course I didn't want to get exiled or become more of an outcast than I already felt... But, I didn't care. I was tired of living a lie and I was tired of being asked if I liked any boys... So I told them... They were fine with it. But, then I was outed a little. So, of course I wasn't going to deny it, I confirmed it. Hell even just yesterday I came out to my father. I sent him an email and told him I was sick of him asking if I have a boyfriend. When I read the story of Matthew Shepard, whose story Scarecrow is based, I felt scared. I started thinking about everything that people are capable of. It sucked.
So now I'm a little wary of what I have done.

I'm not going to ever say that coming out was a mistake but, I definitely am scared of what'll happen to me if I, in the end are not strong enough to tackle homophobia if it is ever displayed against me in a physical way (e.g. bashing, theft, etc...)

I'm convinced that I can tackle homophobia and change at lest one person's mind. I am convinced that, THAT very person whose mind I changed can help change other's minds. I hope I can find somebody who can help me rid myself of these fears I have. I really hope that this person will love me for who I am and not because I'm the best thing for them right now. I hope that the said people will drive me to success and convince me it's not over when it seems like it all is. All I can do is hope. But right now, I have to let myself be scared.

Thanks! :D

please give me suggestions on what to write about! :D send them in via or comment :]

Scarecrow ^^^ :D

Friday, April 13, 2012

Cancer... >.> It strips you down. Not only the diagnosed.

I warn you now. This may not be my best writing. But, it's something I need to get off of my chest... This is the best place for it.
So normally I look at the upside of everything, because I had depression a couple of years ago...
Yeah, it sucked, but it's in the past now, so it's over.
Things are getting that little bit harder... But after this is written I will be back to myself... I hope!

My Pa (grand-dad), has just completed Chemotherapy for Bowel Cancer. He is waiting to see if he can get the cancer removed and he will have survived...

That's one side of my family.

My great grand-dad(a.k.a my Dads Grand-dad.) has been diagnosed with Blood Lymphoma.
The family... is a bit resilient to let him have Chemotherapy. They think that his advanced age will make it difficult and create more complications...

Okay... thats reasonable... But, the next part is not.

The family (his kids) want to let him just progress. They want to let his disease take over... And... Well it get to him...

WHAT? I mean really?!?

And the worse part is... I don't have a say. I am probably the closest Great-Grandchild to him. I see him the most often and I always am there for him on special events. Even though MY father is never there. I GO.

I just have to sit and watch. I just have to wait and watch him go through all the pain and I know it's all going to turn out pear-shaped.

I am telling you now. When I am sitting in a church with him in a big wooden box up the front of chapel and I have to stand-up and say something that will make everyone feel okay, and make everyone feel like he was more to the family than just (insert varying percentage) of DNA to their being.

Well... Ugh... I'm so sorry you have to read this. I really hate doing stuff like this.. But I can't go to anyone else. I can't go to anyone in the family, I can't talk to anyone in my mums side of the family...
I'm screwed on this one. Ugh... So damn screwed!  :/

To divert my attention away from all the catastrophe and neglect...
It looks like this...
I am starting to save up for it! =)
It will give my stupid excuse for a life meaning for a while! Then after that I will learn how to play it...
And then I will see where to go from there... This will take a while... I hope!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A little bit of a release... (finally!)

All I can think about is her.
The way her hand would feel in mine,
The beat of her heart when I listen so very carefully,
The way her voice sounded when she whispered in my ear,
The way her arms wrapped around me, the way her breath scraped across my neck. I swear it was all real. Then I woke up. Everything I wanted was her. Her smile could light up your life, the world seemed less complex. The warmth she shared when she hugged me, the way she laughed when I'd said something cutesy. How I wished she were here every waking moment. Even when I'm asleep she's with me. Her sweet fragrance pulled me into her swirl of flame and light. She promised everything would be fine. She promised me the world. I trusted her and she took it all out of my hands. To the point where I could only be myself. She broke me down to the size of the most minuscule ant.  When I look back on all of this, I remember how she made me who I am now...   She made me want to be a better person. For me to want to be a better person is a major effect that not a lot of people have on me. But, she... She's something special. She is what I could be. She is what I wish I was. Now I'm not saying that she's perfect... Because, well... Nobody is perfect. We all have our negatives. But positives is what we find and choose to focus on. The negatives we have, make us perfect to each other. She could hold me forever and I wouldn't want to be let go of and she wouldn't want to let go of me. In that moment, I could speak and be heard. I could want to be heard. A lot of people have this. Even if they don't... They have something alike. They have someone who shares what they dream, somebody who will let them dream, somebody who will support them without 'bailing out' when things get; tense, tough, difficult, broken, unjust... And when things are; complicated, falling apart, taking their toll, testing you to the highest point...
They stay. They support. They continue to live.

If you don't take life with a grain of salt you will diminish. You need to look at the positive part of every situation. When you are presented with a situation that is not necessarily a good one, don't take it. Use common sense. The world really is your oyster. She forced me to learn this. She told me things aren't what they appear to be. There will always be clouds. The clouds will always inevitably disappear. She told me that a situation is just what you make of it. She also told me that if I just believe that I could be what I plan to be, I can do it. Just visualizing what I think I can have makes the world have sense. I don't always visualize. Some days I think that I make it all up. That there's no truth to it at all. Then I just put in my headphones and remember why I am here. I that when everything becomes cloudy there's always my music that pulls me through. It reminds me of the comfort that can come with a person who has been through the ringer and survived.

I want to be able to say that 'she' exists. But, I have not yet found her. I wish she'd come and save me on certain days. I want to be able to sit here and write her name all over my books, binders, folders... etc...
I barely subscribe to the writing of my love's name over everything. But, if I could find her, I would write her name across the sky. I would write it across my forehead and do a decent rock scream to show how she affects me. I would be one of those crush-y type people. I want to look into somebody's eyes and stare into their soul. She let me look into her eyes and stare into her soul. She let me see every part of her. She let me see every vulnerability that was created throughout her story. She'll never let me forget the things that got me to where I am. Never will she let me forget the person I've become. Never will she let me forget that I actually am beautiful, inside and (sometimes) out. Even though I will dismiss any claims... She will not give up. That's what I want. I know I'm only young... But boy, do I feel as if I know more than I should...

There is somebody out there who is perfect for you. I promise and there is definitely somebody out there who knows that you are what you are. They know that you are perfect because your negatives and positives make a person who is really what you need. No matter who you are, you are needed. You are wanted. You. Deserve. Somebody. Who. Loves. You.
You are Brilliant.
You are life.
You are your past, future, present, and alternate. 
You are what you want to be.

You can make your future. Don't live in the past. Live Now.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Songwriting and PURPOSEFUL song lyrics

Have you ever listened to music?

Like really listened to music?

Heard/seen the relativity between a set of lyrics and a sheet of music?

People can create anything. Music, Books, Movies, Love, Death, Peace, Hope, Life... The choice is if you feel you have the power to. You know there's a girl, she sits on her own in the classroom, she walks alone in life, scared of how people would react to her deepest secrets. She wants to be able to give herself up to someone, just nobody cares. She knows that everyone has a purpose and she's not bothered by no one giving her their offer of friendship. She has an online network. She has over a thousand friends. The problem is, she knows not one. She talks to these people, they say they care. She can't see them as they talk though. She can't tell if they are really laughing when they say "lol" or "lmao", if they genuinely care whether she is online when she gets home from school, or whether she really had a good day.
She plasters on a "shit-eating-grin" metaphorically of course. She cries whilst she writes lie after lie in PM's.

I know people like this. They tell me that they're crying when they write down the nicest comments. So, is it really the truth? When singer/songwriters tell a story through their songs? I believe they could tell any lie they wanted and get a song out of it. But, it couldn't be a hit. Relativity is the key to a hit. People like Gaga have few of these because we live in the age where d00f-d00f music is the ever ruling king. people want to fake bash on walls and dry-hump eachother. Now, you have to search for truth. Search for reality, Search for relativity. Now, I'm not saying that ALL new music is bad... Just... We are losing a vital part of a dying artwork.

Read these "older" song lyrics.

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history

I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny...

Bjorn wrote that whilst drinking a bottle of whisky and looking back on his married-life (with Agnetha) falling apart...

Like The Way I Do - Melissa Etheridge

Is it so hard to satisfy your senses
You found out to love me
You have to climb some fences
Scratching and crawling along the floor to touch you

And just when it feels right
You say you found someone to hold you
Does she like I do?

Baby, tell me does she love you
Like the way I love you?
Does she stimulate you
Attract and captivate you?

Tell me does she miss you
Existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do?

Tell me does she want you
Infatuate and haunt you?
Does she know just how to shock you
Electrify and rock you?

Does she inject you
Seduce you and affect you?
Like the way I do...

Melissa has said she wrote this song after she was told that she was cheated on by her girlfriend. She wrote this completely out of the anger that she felt.

And this song:
Somebody I Used To Know - Gotye feat. Kimbra

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

With this song you could only guess what was going through his head at the time of writing.

These are just a few examples of what "good" writing is all about. 
Read it and think about...
Have you been through this?
Have you known somebody who has felt this way?
Have you ever even tried to listen to music like this?
Did it affect you in any way?

Know any other songs that could be a primary example of this? Any that you can relate to so deeply that in your opinion are great examples of relevant and emotionally punchy lyrics?

Thank you for reading! This is only the beginning so please come back again to see some more!
I will try and post as much as possible. Or when I have something worth saying. =D